Genesis Expo

Genesis Expo

Photograph by Kevin Dooley

Genesis Expo Museum Of Creationism


Yep, we have one. You never knew it existed, but there is a museum of Creationism in Britain. No one you can ask is quite sure why it’s in Portsmouth, best known as a staging post for sailors to get a quick dose of the Clap before they head out to sea, but there it is, standing proud. Just like one of those sailors.

Dedicated to proving Darwin was a tosser and probably in a gay relationship with Richard Dawkins, the Genesis Expo has oddly clashing exhibits. In one room they have a case correctly showing how DNA analysis proves all humans are descended from one man and one woman. In another they have an exhibit ‘proving’ that life cannot form from chemicals – such as DNA. It’s a bit confusing.

There is also a slightly threatening gravestone with Darwin’s image on it, although the fact that he keeled over 100 years ago probably means he’s not too frightened. Some is downright silly, such as the hourglass that ‘proves’ rock sediment can form in seconds because that’s how long it takes for the sands to run down from one bell to the other.

Don’t miss the 45-minute video that the Expo is proud to announce ‘is played continuously’. They believe this is a selling point, rather than one more black mark against them. An otherwise pretty video of little fishes under the sea, you are put off by the narrator constantly laughing at the idea – Ha Ha! What an idea! – that the different species could have evolved without The Almighty knocking them up in his workshop in a spare moment between llamas and alpacas.

In one sense the creators of the Genesis Expo have done the impossible, by creating a museum where you can come out knowing less than when you went in.

The visitors’ comments book makes for fascinating reading:

‘This is a fantastic museum and just shows how crazy is Darwin’s evolution idea.’

But does it? Does it really? Is Darwin’s evolution idea actually ‘crazy’ ie is it actually suffering from an advanced state of mental illness – schizophrenia, psychotic paranoia, megalomania, for instance? Does it believe in things which just aren’t there such as pixies, angels and dodos who tell jokes?

‘It is great to see your witness – Creation is God’s loudest message.’

Surely that was Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

‘It was really interesting. Nice to have something like this in Portsmouth.’

Christ, is it? We have only been to Portsmouth once and it didn’t seem so bad that a museum claiming men rode dinosaurs could improve the cultural life of the place.


You’re not wrong. But I don’t think you meant it that way.

‘Excellent to find out more of how science backs the Christian story of Creation.’

You really have missed the point, haven’t you? This place is essentially about how science is for gits and only those who ignore it will be laughing come Judgement Day.

‘An amazing place – much needed. We are home educators from Windsor and come whenever visiting family in Bognor.’

For us, home education just became a very sticky subject. And so has Windsor. Bognor was already off the agenda.

‘Absolutely brilliant! Will be suggesting to my boss we bring our clients here.’

It’s your funeral. Unless it actually is a funeral, in which case we don’t suppose your client will be in any fit state to care either way.

‘Thank God someone is trying to tell the truth at last.’

Yes. All those Satanic science-liars are in on the big conspiracy.

‘Very mind touching.’

That’s not even English. ‘Mind touching’? It just doesn’t mean anything.

‘Excellent displays very well presented. Shows clearly the fallacy of evolution. All schoolchildren should visit!’

This one just sounds a bit Brownshirty.

‘Wonderful to see some dinosaurs in Portsmouth.’

It really would be, wouldn’t it?